(X) Lil in the dumps
June21, 2oo4. 3.10 PM
Do you ever notice yourself becoming completely obsessed with something, something that you know you would enjoy and have fun with, but that you realize you are putting too much effort (or money) into it? I notice myself doing that all the time, and I realized why a while back. I have nothing else to do. Well, I give myself nothing else to do. I have no job (which I miss hating, and I miss the saving up and being able to afford the things that I occasionally get when I do have money.) I have no friends or night life (Lodi: Beautiful but Empty!) I have no working phone (in case I wanted to become a hopeless phone bug, which could be nice sometimes! ;) ) And all I really have to keep me occupoed are school, the few games that I DO play when I get around to playing them, and whatever I happen to be doing on the internet at that point in time.
Lately, its Neopets. Don't get me wrong! I play Neopets even when I'm not depressed! I just don't go nuts and do things like decide I need to collect all the TCG (trading cards) and thus buy all the little games to get them *for shame.* I do however have games online that I like to play and pets that I love raising and feeding (think online Tomagotchi, but cuter.) So why do I run off and spend money that I don't have or the little that I do on things that I KNOW that I won't really use or need before I buy them? Because I have nothing else to do! Sigh, I want to feel like I have a hobby, a purpose! And with no job and tons of freetime (barring school) I'm not smart enough to make things for me to do. Alright, so I am. But the Neopets thing was highly addictive, but yes the card thing was a little out of hand. It became a Beanie Baby thing you know, "OOOH! Must have! Why? Because I have no life!" ARRG!!
I do have things to do now, and I notice myself doing more of those things and less of the rampant buying junk. However, I will still get my Shoyru! (And maybe some Scorchio..) See, I'm a Dragon fiend lol, so I can't help feeding an age old habit with a new brew ;)
I'm just whining lol... OH and such I have to whine about. The weeks I get to spend in Phx with my family and friends are almost like lifesavers! I love when Kimberly and I go to movies, or when we can get the whole family to go out on an adventure somewhere (which George however has mostly not been able to participate in due his work schedule.) But those things save me while I'm here. But Phx! Where if I'm bored I can call up Cassie or Tyler or Zach, and if they have some free time go hang out with them. Granted they work, and yes their free time is highly scheduled and YES it's its own little rut initself, but it's a rut with THINGS TO DO OUTSIDE THE HOUSE lol. Gaming at game places, movies at friends house, even just the hanging outside in the parking lot and stealing Zach's slushies is a wonderful thing. I just miss people sigh. Doing things outside the house with people.
I wish I knew what to do exactly with school. I have an idea, but the path seems to keep changing, so tomorrow I'm going to the school to drop in on a counselor and get an iron-clad plan of attack. AND see why they refuse to give me RESIDENCY! Yep, denied heh. Pansies...
oh, I'll let you alone and maybe go fix my webpage. Its looking up and up lol, still empty ;) and about to get emptier (need to prune back the giant load of photos I have on Dad's server.) But It should start coming together at some point lol.
Do you ever notice yourself becoming completely obsessed with something, something that you know you would enjoy and have fun with, but that you realize you are putting too much effort (or money) into it? I notice myself doing that all the time, and I realized why a while back. I have nothing else to do. Well, I give myself nothing else to do. I have no job (which I miss hating, and I miss the saving up and being able to afford the things that I occasionally get when I do have money.) I have no friends or night life (Lodi: Beautiful but Empty!) I have no working phone (in case I wanted to become a hopeless phone bug, which could be nice sometimes! ;) ) And all I really have to keep me occupoed are school, the few games that I DO play when I get around to playing them, and whatever I happen to be doing on the internet at that point in time.
Lately, its Neopets. Don't get me wrong! I play Neopets even when I'm not depressed! I just don't go nuts and do things like decide I need to collect all the TCG (trading cards) and thus buy all the little games to get them *for shame.* I do however have games online that I like to play and pets that I love raising and feeding (think online Tomagotchi, but cuter.) So why do I run off and spend money that I don't have or the little that I do on things that I KNOW that I won't really use or need before I buy them? Because I have nothing else to do! Sigh, I want to feel like I have a hobby, a purpose! And with no job and tons of freetime (barring school) I'm not smart enough to make things for me to do. Alright, so I am. But the Neopets thing was highly addictive, but yes the card thing was a little out of hand. It became a Beanie Baby thing you know, "OOOH! Must have! Why? Because I have no life!" ARRG!!
I do have things to do now, and I notice myself doing more of those things and less of the rampant buying junk. However, I will still get my Shoyru! (And maybe some Scorchio..) See, I'm a Dragon fiend lol, so I can't help feeding an age old habit with a new brew ;)
I'm just whining lol... OH and such I have to whine about. The weeks I get to spend in Phx with my family and friends are almost like lifesavers! I love when Kimberly and I go to movies, or when we can get the whole family to go out on an adventure somewhere (which George however has mostly not been able to participate in due his work schedule.) But those things save me while I'm here. But Phx! Where if I'm bored I can call up Cassie or Tyler or Zach, and if they have some free time go hang out with them. Granted they work, and yes their free time is highly scheduled and YES it's its own little rut initself, but it's a rut with THINGS TO DO OUTSIDE THE HOUSE lol. Gaming at game places, movies at friends house, even just the hanging outside in the parking lot and stealing Zach's slushies is a wonderful thing. I just miss people sigh. Doing things outside the house with people.
I wish I knew what to do exactly with school. I have an idea, but the path seems to keep changing, so tomorrow I'm going to the school to drop in on a counselor and get an iron-clad plan of attack. AND see why they refuse to give me RESIDENCY! Yep, denied heh. Pansies...
oh, I'll let you alone and maybe go fix my webpage. Its looking up and up lol, still empty ;) and about to get emptier (need to prune back the giant load of photos I have on Dad's server.) But It should start coming together at some point lol.
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